"We'll be right back." That's how the celebrated Wallace and Ladmo show used to begin a commercial break, as often as not… with a promise to return shortly. They're still keeping that promise.

    Those of our readers who live outside of the great (if insanely hot) state of Arizona, or who are just too  young, may not remember Wallace and Ladmo. ‘Tis a shame and a pity, because this, the longest running daily show ever on television (1955 – 1989), provided more wholesome fun and entertainment value than anything to be found on the combined channels of Cox, Qwest and DTV cable. Ostensibly billed as a "kid show", the gags, characters and skits performed between ancient cartoon reels appealed to all ages. The Wallace and Ladmo show was as essential to a complete education in the silly arts as was Mad Magazine, the National Lampoon and Monty Python.

     Sadly, Ladmo is no longer with us. Wallace is still around, and just as importantly, Pat McMahon, who played such an extensive menagerie of characters (Gerald the brat, the kindly has-been Marshal Good, sweet old Aunt Maude, Boffo the jaded clown, the remarkably inadequate superhero Captain Super, and dozens of others) as to make Lon Cheney look like Henry Winkler. I had the rare opportunity to meet them both one evening last fall, but I’ll get to that after I unleash a bit more of my personal nostalgia…

     One of McMahon's characters, long ago forgotten by many but one of my personal favorites, was Elmer Bitzco, the cave man inventor. Wearing little more than a cheesy fur outfit and a corny fake beard, Elmer would happily share his latest inventions with the show’s audience. A typical exchange was as follows (to the best of my memory, anyway…):

    Wallace (welcoming disoriented caveman from the "time machine"): "Why it’s Elmer Blizco, the caveman
     inventor! Welcome, Elmer. What invention do you have to share with us today?"

    Elmer (adjusting beard): "Well yes, hello! My latest invention here is something I call a "reaching thing"! Let’s just
     suppose you wanted to reach that item on the top shelf up there. You just take my invention, and…"

    (At this point, Elmer takes an enormous step ladder and wields it, tweezer-like, at a prop perched high on a
     shelf of the show’s "Toy Cottage"set. With much difficulty and only minor damage he manages to retrieve it,
     exhausted from the effort.)

     Wallace: "Well, that’s mighty impressive, Elmer! But, ummm… do you mind if I make a little suggestion?
     What if you took your "reaching thing" and set it down here, like this… (Wallace demonstrates and
     explains the proper use of a ladder, easily putting the prop back where it belongs) …and you could call it a
     'stepladder'."

     Elmer (Somewhat annoyed): "Hmmm… Stepladder, eh? (a moment of deep thought) You know, it’s so crazy it
     might just work!"

     You get the idea. And so did the kids of Arizona, and their parents, and grandparents… for 34 years.

     One of Pat’s other famous characters was Aunt Maude, the kindly little old lady who would read stories to Ladmo, stories that always started out with sweetness and innocence but always ended with a disturbing and funny twist that invariably left Ladmo in tears and Wal Boy with an anguished look on his face. It was Aunt Maude who led me to visit a local bookstore last November, where "she" and Wallace were signing copies of "Aunt Maude’s Storybook," a collection of these sadistically silly tales (just in time for Christmas!). At least that was the plan… somebody forgot to tell McMahon that he was expected to appear in character.

     Pat showed up as himself, with Wallace who had just recently been hospitalized and was walking gingerly but with the familiar twinkle in his eyes. After reading a couple of the stories to an audience of baby boomers and their small children (who had little idea who these two were, after all), they queued up those interested in having their newly purchased copies of the book signed. Yours truly was first in line.

     A copy was signed to "Little Johnny," as a gift to the editor of this esteemed publication. My personal copy was signed to "Chucky Charles," and after much joking around over a 6’7" "Chucky" and a brief explanation of THAT story (that's a whole different column), the picture accompanying this piece was taken.

     Having taken what must have been 5 minutes of their time for the two books and snapshot, and with a long line of other devoted fans patiently waiting their turn, we reluctantly bid farewell to these legendary heroes of my childhood. As we were leaving, my lovely wife turned and remarked to them, "Thank you! We love you guys!!"

     "Oh, no…," corrected Wallace. "We love YOU."
________________________________________________________________________________________________________JDA

Front Page A1 / Editorials A2 / Nostalgia A4 / Education, Entertainment A5