Page A4 / The Joan De Arc Crusader / Wednesday, December 25, 2024

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The cosmic Christmases with Major Matt Mason

By J. Bueker

     G.I. Joe got the action-figure party started precisely six decades ago this year, decisively changing the face of boomer childhood forever, and it didn’t take long for America’s ambitious space program and flourishing pop culture to influence the emerging toy fad in a big way.
     By the time Mattel introduced the Major Matt Mason action figure in 1966, kids my age were sitting transfixed before the boob tube each week immersed in “Lost in Space” and “Star Trek,” witnessing NASA space flights occurring in real time, and nurturing dreams of becoming star-hopping astronauts ourselves. The time was certainly ripe for a 6-inch flexible rubber astronaut action figure with a crew cut, blue eyes, and removeable helmet with adjustable orange visor.
     Originally marketed as “Mattel’s Man in Space,” Major Matt’s spacesuit design, helmet and early vehicles were all based on NASA protypes, conferring an attractive realism to the new toys. The toy line would ultimately include a total of four astronauts with identical bodies but different heads and suit colors, along with a few exotic alien beings thrown in for good measure.
     All of the Matt figures were molded from "Plastizol," a polymer-based rubbery material that Mattel also utilized in their wildly popular "Thing Maker" products. The substance was molded over a wire armature that was unfortunately susceptible to metal fatigue through use and age. Once that wiring breaks, the limb in question becomes instantly and perpetually flaccid and inert, a genuinely traumatizing event as our beloved astronaut has now permanently lost the use of one of his posable limbs.
     Christmas 1967 was upon us and I was by that time firmly established as a bona fide space fanatic and prime candidate to make my first acquaintance with the Major, who had already emerged as a notably popular toy. That particular Christmas I regard as my most treasured of all, the year I received my beloved Sears reflector telescope, but Santa also generously gifted me on that Yuletide a Major Matt action figure sealed on a blister card packaged alongside two very important accessories: the space sled and jet pack.
     The space sled was a wonderful vehicular prop that I enjoyed immensely even though it had no actual mechanical function whatsoever in and of itself. It just looked really cool, with the astronaut standing atop the sled and controlling its “movements” by manipulating a control column with handles, somewhat reminiscent of a motorcycle steering apparatus. But the sled could also be used in conjunction with the remarkable jet pack, which I consider the defining piece of Major Matt Mason equipment.
     Major Matt’s jet pack was an inventive idea and a cleverly designed mechanism that actually enabled the astronaut to fly through the air by means of a spring-loaded string running through the unit that could be attached with a hook to door tops and the like. Matt’s flight was enhanced by the cool red and black spiral design on the rear of the pack that turned rapidly as the astronaut zipped along the string, creating an almost hypnotic effect bordering on the psychedelic. The jet pack elevated the Major Matt play experience in a dazzling manner, but unfortunately the device soon proved problematic: the string became all too easily tangled and eventually unusable as annoying tiny knots formed that proved nearly impossible to extricate.
     Like his cousin G.I. Joe, Major Matt came replete with additional (and not inexpensive) merchandise available for separate purchase including an elaborate but misnamed space station that was actually a moon base. Some of the Major Matt contraptions were really quite ingenious though, like the extraordinary Space Crawler vehicle with its spiked wheels, the Uni-Tred Hauler with Space Bubble, and the Firebolt Space Cannon, none of which materialized under the Christmas tree for this boy. I did however make the most of the space sled, jet pack, and other standard items that were included with the action figures Santa did bestow upon me.
     Oddly enough I seemed to be the only kid on Joan De Arc Avenue blessed with Major Matt gear and I was therefore pretty much on my own when it came to Major Matt play. Fortunately I was equipped with a good imagination and a pretty solid understanding of astronomy and space science for a 9-year-old, and I was the sort of kid who spent a significant amount of playtime engaged in solitary activity anyway, and so Major Matt soon became one of my routine play companions.
     My dearth of cool peripheral Matt equipment was actually a boon in one sense as I was forced to dream up compelling scenarios and action using the limited materials with which I had to work. Whereas Matt was initially conceived by Mattel as a mere lunar explorer, I found this mission grossly inadequate and took the initiative to sharply expand his horizons, sending our hero off to Jupiter, the outer planets, and ultimately interstellar space itself.   
    
My fondness for the Major did not escape my mother’s notice and so the following Christmas I received a second round of Matt toys in the form of Matt’s “space buddy” sidekick Sgt. Storm, who sported blond hair and a red astronaut suit. Sgt. Storm came to 3219 packaged with a white Cat Trac vehicle, which like the Space Sled was a prop piece with no inherent mechanical function. I now had a pair of intrepid astronauts for my amazing interplanetary adventures.
     Interestingly, Mattel canceled production of the Major Matt Mason toys in the early ‘70s at the height of their success, perhaps anticipating the public’s dwindling interest in the space program following the historic pinnacle of Apollo 11. The popularity of the toy line however has never really receded and today the Major Matt toys remain in demand as decidedly pricey collectibles. There was even a Major Matt movie starring Tom Hanks once in the planning stages that unfortunately failed to materialize.
     My dear late Uncle John was responsible for my happy reunion with Major Matt Mason many years later in the 1980s. John sold collectible toys and other such nostalgia out of a quaint little shop on Cave Creek Rd. called Antique Alley and I occasionally helped the man with organizing his inventory and working the periodic toy shows held at the state fairgrounds.
     At times Uncle John would compensate me monetarily for my assistance, but more often than not he simply allowed me to grab something cool from his display case at the Alley or his stash of merchandise at home. I pretty much relieved the man of his entire stock of Major Matt items which included three of the action figures and several of the iconic vehicles like the Space Crawler and Uni-Tred Hauler with Space Bubble, accessories I could only dream of owning as a kid. I made the acquaintance of astronaut Doug Davis, who sported a yellow space suit, in addition to my reacquisition of Major Matt and Sgt. Storm, and I even acquired a mysterious transparent green alien called Callisto. Best of all, there was nary a broken wire to be found in the lot!
     Major Matt Mason inhabited an intersection of our childhood idealism and the seemingly unlimited optimism engendered by the success of the space program. Just eight short years after Kennedy set the goal, Apollo had reached the lunar surface, and we all felt pretty confident that Major Matt’s moon station would materialize in real life soon thereafter. Almost anything seemed possible in those days; I had little doubt that I would see within the space of my lifetime opportunities to visit for myself the moon and perhaps even Mars.
     Things sadly didn’t work out quite the way we envisioned during that exhilarating era, but the ingeniously conceived Major Matt Mason toys did provide a memorable catalyst for many a wistful boomer childhood dream of travelling into space and unfolding the secrets of the universe. Hopefully without losing the use of a limb.

The Bueker bottle of Jade East: The Christmas Gift Theory

By J. Bueker

    
    
I’ve no idea how the thing has managed to survive the ravages of time and turmoil in the nearly half century since the Buekers departed Joan De Arc Avenue, but I somehow find myself still in possession of an ancient bottle of Jade East cologne that resided for many a year in the medicine cabinet of the middle bathroom at 3219. To my knowledge this is the only toiletry item from our old home still extant in the possession of a Bueker family member, making it a Joan De Arc artifact of some considerable interest.
     So this got me thinking. How, when and why did we originally acquire this cologne? What is its overall significance in the history of the 1960s in general and the Bueker family in particular? Was it a popular product of that era or relatively obscure? I ultimately decided to focus the considerable resources of the Crusader research team on these frightfully important historical concerns and present here my report.
     Launched in 1964 by Regency Cosmetics, Jade East was an Oriental Fougčre cologne for men that combined spices, musk, vanilla, cedar, and exceptionally pronounced citrus notes into a concoction that soon earned a reputation as a notably potent fragrance, a fact I can definitively confirm in 2024: while only roughly 5 percent of the original bottle contents survive, the scent remains startlingly powerful these 60 years later.
     Now it would be absolutely unthinkable to discuss Jade East without mentioning the similar but much more famous Hai Karate, another ‘60s oriental-themed men’s cologne noteworthy primarily for its memorably clever advertising campaign that recommended aggressive techniques of self-defense against overzealous females attracted to its supposedly irresistible fragrance. But Jade East was no mere HK knock-off -- it became a significantly popular product in its own right and even maintains a following to this very day.
     So when exactly did the Buekers obtain a bottle of this stuff and why? My brother Charles theorizes that the Bueker bottle of Jade East was originally purchased as a Christmas gift for our father Carl, who I do recall was quite tickled by those inventively silly Hai Karate television commercials. Perhaps we kids were unable to scrounge up enough capital to purchase the real thing and settled for the comparable but significantly less pricey cologne? This is a compellingly plausible conjecture for the Bueker bottle of Jade East, although I’m confident the ultimate truth of the matter will remain forever obscured in the mists of ancient family lore.
     As it turned out, Carl Bueker was evidently not terribly enamored with the Jade East fragrance and the bottle in due course found its way to the kids’ bathroom at 3219 for the use of my brother and myself. I do recall administering the scent a few times as a teenager, but Charles for his part doesn’t believe he ever bothered with it at all: “I remember it being around, but I don't remember ever using it,” says he. This distinct disinterest neatly explains how the bottle settled into my permanent possession rather than my brother’s.
    
Jade East is still sold today in a significantly reformulated version that is apparently a mere shadow of the original, with a fragrance decidedly less potent and imperishable. Nonetheless, our research indicates the current version does have a scent somewhat similar to the old classic and the fragrance still sells in respectable numbers. Perhaps the brand name alone yet carries some cachet after all this time.
     I have for some years maintained an annual ritual of self-administering a small dab of this treasured, fossilized family fragrance from Joan De Arc Avenue each year on Christmas Eve as an exercise in scent-based holiday nostalgia. To my siblings who are reading these words on that very evening, please feel free to walk over and have a whiff, just for old time’s sake. I will try to refrain from any violent acts of self-defense upon your approach.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________ JDA

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