No, we are certainly not about to plagiarize Francis P. Church's famous "Yes, Virginia" editorial, that classic piece of holiday prose which first appeared in The New York Sun on September 21, 1897. Nevertheless, it does seem good and proper on this special day to further contemplate the continuing influence of Saint Nick in the world, and ponder all that he represents now in the 21st century.
    We live in a world of terrorism and poverty, pain and uncertainty, and yet the spirit of giving has never been stronger. Folks in this part of the country just seem to be exceptionally generous, from the "alternative fuels" gift of subsidized vehicles for the less fortunate souls who cannot quite afford their own SUV, to free sports stadiums for truly needy people like Jerry Colangelo and Bill Bidwill. It can truly bring a tear to the eye when one thinks of the incredibly altruistic nature of Arizonans.
    Who else but Santa could have provided that beautiful new furniture that our state legislators are now enjoying? Sure, CPS, education, and mental health programs continue to be seriously underfunded year in and year out, but priorities must be established and pursued, and one need only look at our wonderful Arizona Diamondbacks to see the results of our selfless foresight and sacrifice. Anyone who can maintain that there is no Santa Claus in the face of the magnanimous corporate welfare regularly doled out by beneficent politicians on both the local and national levels is simply a hopeless cynic, and not worthy of our concern. Santa is alive and well, and there can be no doubt that he will continue to make glad the hearts of corrupt politicians, greedy corporations and shameless sports team owners for many years to come.

    By the way, Church's editorial masterpiece is well worth revisiting, and you may do so here . Happy Christmas to one and all.

    The Crusader staff would like to take this opportunity to remind all of our readers to exercise caution and emphasize safety during the holiday season, particularly in the days leading up to New Year's. Are we concerned about drunken drivers? Well yes, of course. Idiots who fire guns into the air as a substitute for having a functional penis? Absolutely. However, we are also very worried about the increasingly common phenomena of overeating and overshopping during the last week of each year. Americans of course are exceptionally susceptible to such excesses, due to our relative affluence and well documented penchant for immoderate self-indulgence. The impulse to eat and shop, and then shop and eat some more can be overwhelming for many of us caught up in the excitement of the holidays, and only strict planning and a rigid determination to exercise self-control can save us from these threats to our physical and financial health. The motivation for such measures should be clear enough to all-- who wants to be a poor, fat person living anywhere in America? Our culture values wealth and physical attractiveness above all things, and rightly so!
    Therefore, do what's right for yourself and what's best for the land of the free and the home of the brave. Eat, drink, spend and be merry. But don't be a damn glutton, for heaven's sake. Think before you drink, stop before you overshop, and retreat before you overeat. We need all of our loyal readers to remain alive and well and to continue subscribing to the Crusader! Feliz Navidad.

By God, I never get what I want for Christmas! Last year I asked for a simple gun rack for my sawed off shotguns, and what do I get instead? A freaking Popeil Pocket Fisherman, that's what. What in the name of sweet gentle Jesus do I want with that damn thing? I'll give ya'll something to go fishing for in my pocket, by God. Why can't people just give me what I want instead of the silly crap they think I need? This kind of behavior just ruins Christmas for everybody. Jesus.

                                                                                                                                                         J. Dogholler

Who is that in the picture of your July 4th's edition of "Chucks Corner?"  The person with the white coat on the right side. I know who it is but my wife won't believe me so maybe if it came from the source she will. Thanks.

                                                                                                                                                        Chris

That would be none other than Aunt Maud herself, Pat McMahon. It is certainly difficult to recognize her without the wig and glasses, hence your wife's incredulity. -- Ed.

Chuck’s Corner
News From Around the Block and Around the World
by C.H.Bueker
 
 

Spectrum This

    Chris-Town. That's all you had to say, and everyone (in Phoenix, anyway) knew exactly what you were talking about. Just like Elvis, or Cher, it was totally identified by a single word. You never heard anyone say "Let's go to Chris-Town Mall" or "Do you know the way to the Chris-Town shopping center?"

    And now... Phoenix Spectrum? What the HELL is that?!?!?

    Admittedly, the name Chris-Town originally had about as much thought put into it as this new Spectrum moniker. The guy who originally owned the land there was named Chris Something-or-other. People in marketing actually get paid for these brainstorms, which is a pretty amazing story in itself. The Chris-Town name, though, has its roots in Phoenix history and has SOME meaning for a lot of people, however trivial. "Spectrum" could be on Bob's land, or Joe's or just about anybody's. We just can't tell anymore, can we?

    Maybe it's just as well the mall has been renamed, it's very much a pale shadow of its former self. When baby boomers such as myself were in our salad days, Chris-Town was in its full glory. Throngs of shoppers packed the wide concourse. Fountains and talking birds entertained the children, as did the ever-present organ grinder, whose adorable little monkey would tip its cap in exchange for a penny. Adolescents (no doubt a prototype for the mall rats one sees today) walked endlessly up and down the mall's length, hoping to be noticed by their peers rather than mall security.

     Now, however, Woolworth's, Chess King and J.C. Penney have been replaced with the likes of Wal-Mart and Costco. Very little remains of the original
compliment of businesses, Miracle Mile Deli being the only example I noticed on a recent trip. The few shoppers who were there couldn't care less about the sparsely decorated mall interior, or its uncomfortable benches. They had purchased their jumbo sized package of diapers and they were getting the hell out of there. The era of the Big K-Mart doesn't begin to teach the upcoming generations what mall culture is really all about. Sad.

     Not that going to Chris-Town was ALL fun and games. Many an hour was spent waiting for a mother or sister to page through EVERY article of clothing on
EVERY rack at Lerner's. Pure torture. On the other hand, I consider myself extremely fortunate to have come of age in time to make a few visits to the bar in the Janitor's Closet. A trip to Chris-Town was always a memorable experience.

     Phoenix Spectrum? A silly name for an unremarkable collection of strip mall stores shoehorned into a glorious old mall. I give it five years before the bulldozers move in.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________JDA

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