Page A2 The Joan De Arc Crusader / Monday, July 4, 2005

Front Page A1 / Fun and Games A3 / Summer Nostalgia A4  / Crossword A5

 

EDITORIAL PAGE

“Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.” – Voltaire

 

Get those flags up

     July 4th means many things to the good folks here on Joan De Arc Avenue. Hot dogs and beer. NASCAR and beer. Illegal backyard fireworks and beer. But the most important activity of the day should commence bright and early as we all proudly display Old Glory in front of our respective residences.

     Current residents of Joan De Arc can take inspiration from the legendary flag displaying competition that took place between Carl Bueker and Bill Dickey back in the 1960s. On patriotic holidays, these two men would strive to be the first on the street to have their flags flapping in the breeze before anyone else had even had poured their morning coffee. Carl and Bill soon began arising earlier and earlier on flag days, until finally it reached the point where they both started putting their flags out before they went to bed the night before the actual holiday.

     This kind of spirited patriotic fervor is precisely what the street seems to be lacking these days. We urge one and all to get those flags up today, bright and early, and celebrate America’s birthday with gusto. Carl and Bill would have wanted it that way.

 

Let poor Michael alone

     Jacko is free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, he’s free at last.

     We knew he would be. Just because a forty something man sleeps with children, enjoys gay pornography, shares his liquor with youngsters, and pays out tens of millions of dollars in settlements to avoid prosecution does not mean he is a child molester. There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of these things. We’re not entirely sure what those explanations might be, but we believe in the system, and the system has spoken loudly and clearly. The jury considered the evidence, listened to the arguments, and returned a fair and just verdict based on that evidence and those arguments. We must respect their decision.

     Nor should the unbelievable media obsession with this case lead us to cast judgment upon Michael. He is not to blame for being the overwhelming object of attention for a “culture” that has gone gravely astray.

     There’s a lesson in this for all of us. Do not judge a sexually ambiguous book by its cover. Sure, he’s bad, he’s bad. But he’s not that bad, really. At least, we don’t think he is. Leave poor Michael alone. Hasn’t he suffered enough? Haven’t we all?

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LETTERS

 

      I rarely agree with the stupid editorials in the Crusader, but I do believe in giving credit where it is due. Your recent analysis of tax policy and social security reform were spot on. I agree completely.

                                                                                                                Skip Reason

Well then you’re an idiot. – Ed.

 

The Crusader welcomes your letters at jdacrusader@aol.com

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Chuck’s Corner
News From Around the Block and Around the World©
by C.H.Bueker III
 

   And now Ladies and Gentlemen, from here at the Chuck’s Corner home office, located in the penthouse of the glorious Ahwatukee Convention Resort Casino and Espresso Bar, are the Top Ten Reasons “Why Arizona Really Doesn’t Totally Suck in the Summer.”

 

Number Ten:  At Least There’s Air Conditioning, Everywhere.  Except outside, that is, where it’s most needed, if you really think about it.

 

Number Nine:  Yanqui Go Home!  There’s a lot less Canadian currency showing up in my pocket change in the summertime, if you know what I mean.

 

Number Eight:  School’s Out.  If you’re a student.  Maybe.  Get a job, you bum!

 

Number Seven:  Great Movies.  The summer is always full of great movies, and you can grab some of that air conditioning for free.

 

Number Six:  Family Travel.  A great thing about living in Arizona is that you can get the hell out of it for a while.  Sometimes the other place will even seem to suck even worse than here, until you get back and realize that it’s probably a tie.

 

Number Five:  Sports.  I recommend mudboarding in the swampy muck of a recently irrigated elementary school playground.  Strolling barefoot the length of a roasting walkway is another popular choice.

 

Number Four:  Gambling.  “I’ll bet this steering wheel is cool enough to hold, now!”  “HISSSsssssss…”  You lose.

 

Number Three:  Time Zone.  Arizona has long ago forsaken Daylight Savings Time, so we glom parasite-like onto the same time zone as California, draining the Golden State of valuable energy and other resources.  All Arizonans get a monthly check from the state in the summer because of this, except the few of us too pitifully stupid to know about it.

 

Number Two:  Drug Enforcement.  It’s too hot to run a meth lab in your garage.  To be honest, I’m just guessing on this one.

 

And the Number One Reason Why Arizona Really Doesn’t Totally Suck in the Summer:

 

Imminent Massively Disruptive Global Climate Changes of Biblical Proportions.  It couldn’t get much worse here.  Could it?

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________JDA

 

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