The Joan De Arc


< One Dollar >        .... Sunday, April 7, 1996 ....        < One Dollar >

"All the fits that's news to print"  /  Founded in 1968   1996 by J.P.B.

Barbara Bueker Announces Retirement

Cites Age, Mental Difficulties

Phoenix (BP) - Barbara Bueker Stewart, the delightfully eccentric woman who graced JDA Avenue in the 60s and 70s, has announced her retirement after a successful career as an art teacher in Glendale. Ms. Stewart is best known as the mother of local phenomenon John Bueker, yet she carved out a solid niche for herself as an elementary art teacher at American School. Her principal, Mr. Tom Freehill, had these touching words for Barb's exceptional teaching career: "She's done a fine job for us, I just wish she'd do the damn art shows." Ms. S. points to her advancing chronological condition and job "burn-out" as her rationale in calling it quits. We at the Crusader salute this retiring beacon of public instruction.




         The JDA Crusader              -----------------------     Sunday, April 7, 1996     -----------------------------     Page A5






My inquiry is a simple one. How can you possibly justify the continued existence of your "newspaper?" How many people could possibly care anything at all about the goings-on on Joan De Arc Avenue? I suspect that not even the current residents of that decaying hovel care much for the inane and trivial matters that you raise, time and time again. Why don't you find a real life, grow up, and find a more meaningful target for your meager journalistic talents? I know you don't have the gonads to print this letter, so all I can say is give it up, ace.


                                                                                                        Mikey "Flip" McLloyd



Eat it, Flip. -- Ed.


The Crusader welcomes all points of view, regardless of how misguided or witless some of them may be. Please write to Editor, JDAC, Phoenix AZ.                                JDA



         The JDA Crusader              -----------------------     Sunday, April 7, 1996     -----------------------------     Page A2





Top Ten List

Top Ten List of new names for the band Sprout:


                                                                         10) The Electric Loser Orchestra

                                                                          9) The Satanic Penis Envy Group Ensemble

                                                                          8) The Dave Clark Vomiting Death Five

                                                                          7) The Sprout Rather Sucks and Should Probably Hang It Up Band

                                                                          6) Outspray

                                                                          5) The Dead Ladmos

                                                                          4) The Paul Delgado Gay Liberation Fun Time Band

                                                                          3) Sergeant Bueker's Lonely Defunct Band

                                                                          2) Grey Sabbath


And the number one new name for the band Sprout is...


                                                                          1) Skippy and the Butt Smooters


Sports.......      by J.B.


    On this day in 1968, Carl Bueker turned on the TV and sat through a hockey game, two golf tournaments, a tennis match, a basketball game, a sports highlights show, and a Roller Derby playoff match. This feat of TV sports viewing remains a solid Joan De Arc record to this very day.




Aries (March 21 - April 19): Those who thought you were a little stupid are in for a surprise, know what I mean?


Taurus (April 20 - May 20): Emphasis on experimentation, social activities, antibiotic therapies.


Gemini (May 21 - June 20): Incredible wealth, happiness and unparalleled success will come your way very soon.


Cancer (June 21 - July 22): Scenario features family, music, joy, conflict, terror, pain and death.


Leo (July 23 - August 22): You may find yourself attracted to a severely mentally ill person.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22): You may be chosen of God to support your youngest child for the rest of your life.


Libra (September 23 - October 22): Focus on Kleenex, dog food and your need to bring chaos from an orderly situation.


Scorpio (October 23 - November 21): You find no meaning in existence whatsoever. Strive to be complacent.


Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): It is safe to say that you need to nurture your inner adult.


Capricorn (December 22 - January 19): This is a red letter day. You know just what to do. Do it. Do it now. Go.


Aquarius (January 20 - February 18): You will finally line up that big job at the convenience mart.


Pisces (February 19 - March 20): Sorry fish people, we ran out of room!...   JDA